For most bisexuals, there are at least four steps or stages to fully acknowledging and becoming comfortable with their identities as bisexuals.
Confusion over sexual orientation.
Most bisexual people start out feeling very confused about their attraction towards people of both sexes, questioning their own reality, and wondering "Is something wrong with me/"Some spend their entire lives in this stage, hiding their sexual orientation, feeling isolated and alone with the inner turmoil over their "dual attractions. Many go through life identifying as straight or gay/lesbian in order to be accepted and make sense of their sexual orientation. Because their own experience does not conform to either community, they feel intense external pressure to choose one and identify with it. Without any language to frame their own reality, and no visible role models or community available to them, bisexual people must have sufficient self-confidence and belief in their own identity in order to eventually transcend this stage.
Discovery of the bisexual label and choosing to identify as bisexual.
Almost all bisexual people acknowledge that discovering the label "bisexual" was pivotal in understanding and accepting their sexual orientation. Most experience extreme relief when they hear the word "bisexual" for the first time, because they finally have a word that mirrors their experience and feelings. For some, the negative stereotypes of bisexuals as "promiscuous" "fence sitters," neurotic, or vectors of AIDS prevent them from identifying with the label or claiming it for themselves, but most agree that it comes closer than any other language to describing their lives. top
Settling into and maintaining a bisexual identity.
For many bisexual people, this step is the most difficult. Intellectually, they feel good about being bisexual, but emotionally, they experience extreme conflict living in the real world as bisexual. Often scorned by family and friends and rejected by spouses or potential partners for being bisexual, they find that to develop and maintain a bisexual identity requires inner strength, self-reliance, confidence, and independence.
Transforming adversity.
Coming out and staying out of the closet is an on-going process which must be repeated with every new social situation, workplace, friend, and lover.
